Make Your Point > Archived Issues > FREMDSCHAM

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connect today's word to others: The waitress leans over a nearby table, saying, "I'm sorry, sir. Your card was declined."  I look away. It wasn't my card that got declined, so why is my face red? Well, shame is infectious. I'm feeling empathic embarrassment, or vicarious embarrassment, and the psychologists who study it could spill a little less ink by calling it fremdscham. They define it like this, more or less: "a self-conscious feeling upon observing that others have violated social conventions." And that's the same feeling captured by the word fremdscham, German from "stranger shame," that awkward feeling you get from watching other people's awkwardness.  See if you can recall this close opposite of fremdscham: Sch____fr____, a word we also took from German, one that means "harm joy," the happiness you feel because of someone else's trouble, bad luck, pain, etc. (To reveal any word with blanks, give it a click.) make your point with... "FREMDSCHAM" German for "stranger shame" or "external shame," fremdscham is the pain or embarrassment of watching other people embarrass themselves. Pronunciation: FREMT shom (rhymes with "primped mom") Part of speech: Noun, the uncountable kind: "a stab of fremdscham," "he's overwhelmed by fremdscham." Other forms: None are common in English print. (In German, there's also a verb meaning to feel shame secondhand: fremdschämen.) How to use it: Be sure to place it in italics to distinguish it as a foreign term. (But we won't bother to capitalize it like some German nouns we've borrowed, since in general, English writers have written "fremdscham" and not "Fremdscham.") Now, since "fremdscham" is a foreign term, what is it doing here in our study of English vocabulary? It's true that I very rarely share with you a foreign term that hasn't yet made it into English dictionaries. But I've got a good feeling about "fremdscham;" I'm pretty sure it'll earn its place in our dictionaries soon. That's because we need this word. Fremdscham is a universal emotional, and the word is quicker and zippier than the phrase "vicarious embarrassment." Plus, English writers keep joyfully discovering "fremdscham" and introducing it in English print along with a definition. We know it now; we don't need the glosses anymore; let's just use it! Now you might think that "fremdscham" is too foreign to drop into casual speech and writing, but I think we should go for it. It's pretty easy to understand what it means, since it almost sounds like "friend shame"--not exactly what it translates to, but close enough. So, talk about people feeling, experiencing, or revealing fremdscham; about people being particularly sensitive or susceptible (or insensitive or unsusceptible) to fremdscham; about events or actions that bring or give or cause others fremdscham, generate or result in fremdscham, etc. examples: I can't appreciate Steve Carell's cringey humor as Michael Scott; I'm too susceptible to fremdscham. "Some performers know their limits and merrily sail inside that perimeter. Others push themselves too far, flubbing notes or disclosing discomfort through tense, forced smiles. That can be painful to watch... Fremdscham is part of ZinZanni’s enduring attraction."    — Brendan Kiley, The Seattle Times, 16 November 2018 study it: Explain the meaning of "fremdscham" without saying "secondhand embarrassment" or "sympathetic shame." try it out: Fill in the blanks: "I winced in fremdscham as (someone) (did something)." Example: "I winced in fremdscham as the speaker hiccuped again, loudly, straight into the microphone." before you review, play: Spend 20 seconds or more on the game below. Don’t skip straight to the review—let your working memory empty out first. Tidbits and Titles! I provide the tidbits; you provide the title. From our previous issue: Here's a quote from a book: "We would be together and have our books and at night be warm in bed together with the windows open and the stars bright." And here are some terms and phrases that often appear in that book: Bel Esprit, bottle, cafe, D. H. Lawrence, drank, drink, drunk, Ezra Pound, Gertrude Stein, mountains, night, novel, paintings, story, train, winter, worry. What's the book's title? Answer: A Moveable Feast. Try this today: Here's a quote from a book: "[He] was, indeed, a singular character. Of acute understanding, disinterested, honest, and honorable in all private transactions, amiable in society, and duly valuing virtue in private life, yet so bewitched and perverted by the British example, as to be under thorough conviction that corruption was essential to the government of a nation‎." And here are some terms and phrases that often appear in that book: American, army, Congress, duel, feared, Jeffersonian, letter to Elizabeth, military, pamphlet, patriots, Philadelphia, slavery, society, wanted, young. What's the book's title? review today's word: 1. A close opposite of FREMDSCHAM is A. VICARIOUS PAIN. B. VICARIOUS FURY. C. VICARIOUS PRIDE. 2. Reflecting on an emotional public testimony, Ted Rall wrote that watching _____ gives him fremdscham. A. a man cry B. repetitive questioning C. grace in the face of injustice Answers are below. a final word: Make Your Point is crafted with love and brought to you each weekday morning by Liesl Johnson, a reading and writing tutor on a mission to explore, illuminate, and celebrate words. From Liesl's blog:    36 ways to study words.    Why we forget words, & how to remember them.    How to use sophisticated words without being awkward. To be a sponsor and include your ad in an issue, please contact me at Liesl@HiloTutor.com. Disclaimer: When I write definitions, I use plain language and stick to the words' common, useful applications. If you're interested in authoritative and multiple definitions of words, I encourage you to check a dictionary. Also, because I'm American, I stick to American English when I share words' meanings, usage, and pronunciations; these elements sometimes vary across world Englishes. Answers to review questions: 1. C 2. A